Every few months or so an article or blog post gets passed around Facebook like the second coming of Jesus on how hard marriages/relationships are. And it’s not the same article every time…it’s different, but the same. Some popular blogger, often a mommy blogger writes about how hard marriage is and how her and her husband have come from the ends of the earth and back and ALMOST got divorced but didn’t, usually because of their faith in God or something. And then they list every romantic movie/fairy tale misconception that ever existed and how there are no prince charming, there is no happily ever after – it’s all hard work. It’s sweat, it’s tears, it’s arguments, it’s peaks and valleys – with sprinkles of love and affection thrown in.
And I have to wonder…..
Is this lady/person/blogger for real?
In what universe did she ever think that relationships were supposed to be awesome or easy. Did this person not have parents? I mean, seriously. It just took me looking at my own family as a kid/teenager/young adult to realize that movie relationship and storybook fairytales were faker than fake. Did they not witness their parents (or any real-life relationship) have ups and downs and all arounds?
I remember when my husband and I first had kids and he was adamant they never see conflict between us, I completely disagreed. I reasoned that I had seen my parents (who were married at 18 and are still sticking it out 39 years later) that seeing conflict and conflict resolution is key for our kids to know how to deal with that part of life. Also, I knew I wasn’t someone who would keep quiet until the “kids were in bed” to have a “discussion” aka argument. So our sons see conflict. And I hope they see that it’s part of life, it’s part of a marriage and they see that there are times where their mom and dad are at the brink, but that they get through it. I’m not saying have full-blown, drag out fights with each other or be abusive towards each other, but don’t be fake. Don’t buy into the romance movies or fairy tales and teach your kids that what the movies portray is in any way even remotely true.
And then I won’t have to read these blog posts / huffington post articles about what “marriage really is”.
Reality check. Marriage can suck donkey balls. It isn’t easy. It was never supposed to be easy. Disney is wrong. Hollywood is wrong.
But having a partner with you to get through the shit that comes at you every day is nice.
The best marriage advice I ever received was from my own mother about why her and my dad were still together after so long….”we have never been out of love with each other at the same time”
And that folks is great marriage advice.
Finding Myself Despite Myself 